No matter how hard I try
I will fail,
And so will you.
My lips are pale.
My lips are dry.
My skin flakes.
My bones ache.
My teeth decay.
Tomorrow will be 100.
In my vein will go
A liter of H2O.
For the summer heat
Is much to bare,
When you have no
Thermostat to spare.
In through my vein
For sixty minutes or so,
To live life in the end.
Both parties are despicable! You have to claim one to win an election. The problem though both make you hated for this reason or that reason.
Why can’t people separate the old from the new and see that some of the newer politicians are forced to choose between two parties or stand no chance at all, but that doesn’t mean they’ll fall in line with old.
Me I’m pretty certain which letter is going behind my name when I run for State Rep. but at this point it’s a wait and see. As of right now I will make people love me for me and not which party I’m forced to identify as.
The dividing lines we draw are unhealthy. Maybe I’ll start my own party and everyone who’s as fed up as me can join it. I think we’ll be represented by the Mint Green and have an Owl as our animal because, We are the brightest of the land. (We who see the need for everything the old people don’t).
Side note Mint Green and Owls are two of my FAVORITE things.
The yellow line on the road we drive on should be the only line between us.
I have 50 followers!
I am so humbled!
Thank you so much!
I promise I’ll be more active again.
Depression, you know?
It’s kind of a downer sometimes.
Most importantly, I’m thriving!
I told my Love this morning that, “after being on a low for the last couple days, a pretty tough one, and waking up feeling like I’m reaching that middle going back to the high that people are going to make fun of me.”
He heard what I had to say about it, which is way less detail now, “they called me bipolar and made fun of me about it at these times, I’m scared you guys will too when I start to come back up. But I am Bipolar and I understand now,” he basically responded with, “we all understand that, and we don’t want to hurt you like those people did. They meant to hurt you, we do not.” I suffer from panic disorder because of the PTSD and we agree that because my lows are so few and far between that I panic when I have them, I make make them harder than they have to be because I’m panicking about them. Like I told him, “I’ll figure it out. I always do.”
I hear him and sometimes my little Loves only explain to me when I’m scared and confused, “you’re okay, you’re safe, there is nothing to be scared about, no one is going to hurt you…” and for some reason these last couple times my Love has slipped in there something along the lines of, “this moment is just because you are bipolar and it’s okay” he told me today that I “panic when these days come”, I wholeheartedly agree with him.
I’m glad that he is doing this because as I write this I realize that he is using a technique that my counselor has taught he and I, “Reality Therapy”, it is extremely helpful. For some reason I don’t get mad at him for saying this to me, I just let the tears fall and melt into him, because I believe him even though everything inside of me is telling me to run and not trust him. I realistically know he is genuine because without thinking I respond the way I do; quiet down, melt, and tears falling. Needing and wanting and allowing myself to feel his embrace. And even though I may circle back around and we have to do it all over again, we do, do it all over again…together.
I feel like my growth has been huge. I feel like I am aware of my highs and lows. I feel like I’m okay saying, “I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what I’m feeling…” Maybe I should become okay with saying,
“A long or steep downgrade is coming and I’m not sure the percentage or for how long, I just see the signs. And I most definitely do not know how rough the ride will be or if you’ll need the runaway truck zone, but I know you have to go down to go up.” (I hope my traveling buddies like that)
I’m not sure what I’ve become. I am healing that’s what’s going on.
I’ve learned it’s okay to be this free, now I am starting to believe it.
My first initial reaction seeing this on was, “oh my goodness I look terrible”, then I reminded myself my 16 year old son was getting disappointed in the local Wal-Mart that they didn’t have swimsuit for me (his first time traveling at an age old enough to understand how a tourist town works 😂, he loves tourism by the way).
They were about to close, I finally found bottoms. But tops?
Um do you see what I was left with. He found it. And I was like, “um Joe I’m not sure I’ll look good in that. He’s silent for a moment, (just like his dad not because they are thinking of the right answer, but because they need a moment to process their own feelings) says to me, “we are going to a hot tub to chill, you are okay, wear that because I want to go in a hot tub with you”.
You see ladies your children need you to be this confident, daughters and sons alike. They never see you as fat or ugly or anything. To them you are the most beautiful woman in the world; yes even with every “flaw” you find. This confidence has been because of these “two and a half men” I’ve been given.
I see that abdomen and I think “Wow! If people only knew the history behind this body. The scars on my abdomen visible. The flabby skin. The dimples. The cellulite. If only they saw…wait why the hell do they have to see anything?! I am unapologetically me and my son thinks I’m beautiful”. So ladies/moms/grandmas it’s okay to have hesitation, but don’t hold yourself back. It is the best thing you can do for you, and the little people who look up to you and follow your lead.
By the way the hot tub was to full and my little love decided not to get in the pool, so needless to say this went on and came off dry. I love my Aspie ❤️
Did you know I run a homeless street ministry?
Now you do!
It’s called Freely Love Outreach and I with the community’s help do a lot of good. So many items donated and distributed since 2019, I believe somewhere around 6,000 items.
Now I need a truck that I can frame and put a drawer system for food, socks, underwear, hygiene products, and more. And if space allows hanging racks for clothing. The idea is that each person would be able to come in and “shop” for exactly what they need.
This mobile pantry wouldn’t only serve the homeless as I am homeless and prevention services. So one way to prevent homelessness is to go areas of poverty and provide the essentials, so the poor can pay their bills.
Together we can end and prevent hunger and homelessness, one-step-at-a-time. The next step for us is a truck, then we’ll talk about our first property.
If you’d like to check us out on Facebook at Freely Love Outreach please do so. You can see pictures, keep up with the bank account balance, fundraisers, items for sale, food and supply drives and so much more.
If you’d just like to donate directly you can make a donation through CashApp $FreelyLoveOutreach
Thank you all for your generous support. This is my way of healing myself and doing what I live to do; give. But now I’m giving to the right people not the wrong people.
Your help feeding people is your way of living people from a distance. Your love is felt by them with every bite, every warm glove, every hand watery, ever sip of water…your love is felt. Keep loving them. I believe when we love strangers, we are blessed more than we could ever imagine.